“Why” is more valuable than “how”

A young driver asks his uncle how to change the oil in a car.

His uncle is an absolute gearhead who's always rebuilding one or two of something, and he's delighted that this young fellow is ready to start getting under the hood.

So he invites the kid over on a Saturday and takes him through the whole process.

The nephew takes copious notes, including all the steps and the tools he'll need.

The uncle bemoans the difficulty of getting rid of used motor oil but says he has a friend who will take it, and he agrees to pass on the nephew’s used oil as well.

After all this is done, he asks the boy what led to his interest in oil changes.

The boy says he wants to buy a car, and he's heard that you have to change the oil every 3 months. He couldn't find anybody else who knew how to do it, and he was, in fact, mystified how all these people have cars but can't change the oil.

The uncle explains that most people just go to the QuickLube and pay 40 bucks to have it done.

The nephew says, "You mean they'll just do it for you? That's even better!"

The kid never did change his own oil.

He had finally gotten an answer that was better than his question.

All he really wanted to know was: How can I handle oil changes if I’m not a mechanic?

Here's the thing:

When somebody asks how to do something, it helps an awful lot to know why they're asking.

And when you're asking someone how to do something, you’ll probably get a much better answer if you can explain what you really want to achieve by it.

If you don't tell them, and they ask anyway, there's a good chance they're really trying to help you get what you want.

All the best,
A.